..i walk with the Lord...
.......he is my love..........
.....my strength.......
......my life.......
....my best friend...

[NO TURNING BACK]

Sunday, April 3, 2011

We are Meant to Live..

I think its safe to say blogging.. and anything that slightly resembles blogging..
homework, writing thank yous, reading, studying, has become an epic fail..

I feel like my life is flying by and leaving me in the dust.
How does that happen you might ask?

I feel like ever since i was 5 i have felt that pressure [just like any kid does] to know what i want to be..
I always get asked...
"What are you studying at CSU and why??"
"What do you want to do with your degree?"
"What do you want to do when you get out of school?"

And everybody's reaction when i reply
"I HAVE NO IDEA"
is...
"well don't worry, you still have a little time, but you're what? a sophomore in college? you need to decide soon!"

I have been thinking about life, school, my future, what i'm going to be doing 1 year, 5 years, 10 years..
...FOREVER...

I really struggle with focusing on school..I have never been the person who LOVES to go to school. I have never been the person who is even slightly interested in school. I have never been the person that knows exactly what i want to do and has know since i was 5..I do not feel like college is the place for me. I talk to God day and night begging him to show me where he wants me, and no matter how much i beg and plead, i DO NOT feel that God is calling me to be at school. I do not feel like i am meant to be living in an apartment on the corner of drake and shields, driving to class M-F, learning about accounting and business law, i don't believe God is calling me to stay in this place...

Most people want to be comfortable.. they want to know what will happen tomorrow and the next day..people don't want to worry about if they will have the money for food tomorrow, or if they will have a place to sleep at night, or if their house is nice enough to have friends over for dinner...

I am not like most people. In my talking to God i feel like i am called to be uncomfortable..i am called to MOVE..I am called to be the one that doesn't worry about what i will eat for dinner, or if I have a place to sleep, quite simply because i know and trust that God will provide it for me no matter where i am. My desire is to go out into the world and tell people about the love of my Savior. I have REALLY been feeling a calling to go to Hawaii and tell them about the Love of my life...After being over there for spring break i realize how many people over there claim to be Christians but they drink,burn,swear,sleep around.. and thats only the beginning..I have grown to LOVE the locals. and they have grown to accept me..they don't consider me a haole..i am one of them [i actually even got asked if i was part Hawaiian..ME..blone hair blue eyed me...LOVE IT!] And i really feel that i have grown to be accepted by them so that my Heavenly Father can use me to reach them with something they have never heard before..It is so hard for me to be excited about going to class and getting a degree when I don't feel like this is where i am meant to be...

but how do you tell people you love and love you..people that want you to be all you can be and graduate from college...people that want you to never have to struggle in any way... that college is not for you? that God is not calling you to live that life?

I have yet to figure this out....

Untill then i will continue to ask God for direction so that i can MOVE where i am at right now..

this takes me back to a post i did a few months ago..and it brings me to the question..
Do i want to LIVE or EXIST? where i'm at right now i feel as if i'm only existing...

.................................LIVE.........................................

1 comment:

  1. dang sounds like you've been doing some confucius-like thinking! but you gotta remember...... anytime you ask for answers about anything, the answer's already given to us in the Holy Spirit and in His Word! you just have to find it???????? i mean !!!!!!!

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